Ten Strategies in Engaging in Political and Social Topics

Ten Strategies in Engaging in Political and Social Topics

My background in this topic includes campaign work, three years in the Peace Corps, work in local government, and some Masters coursework. Like many things, how to best engage and find consent or consensus among people are skills that can be continuously built and tweaked, and I can only hope that I learn and grow more in this area as I grow older. For the time being here are the lessons that have proved most useful and valuable for me, strategies I’ll use both in this blog and in my life outside of it.

For a more in depth look, I recommend the following two books I read in my graduate course for Negotiation and Conflict Resolution:
1. Getting to Yes: Negotiating to Agreement Without Giving In by Fisher and Ury

2. Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most by Stone, Patton, and Heen

The first book provides a good foundation on general principles on negotiating skills, while the second discusses the often overlooked emotional component of engaging sensitive topics.

Also, if you’re okay with a little irreverent humor, this comic is also useful as it describes the “backfire effect”, which unfortunately explains why it’s so difficult to discuss sensitive yet important topics with one another.

http://theoatmeal.com/comics/believe

A Few Definitions

Consent: No reasonable objection. Note that someone may not agree or even prefer the choice, but neither will they impede the implementation of the decision. Example: “I’m not excited about this plan, but we’ll see what happens.”

Consensus: This is a looser term, but for the sake of this post, it will mean that someone does favor, and actively supports the implementation of the decision. Example: “I wholly support this plan.”

Position: An opinion that is normally either in favor, or not in favor, of a particular decision. Example: Approve or disapprove a project proposal to build new parks.

Interest: Opinions and desires that are not tied to any one specific decision, but are more general and ambiguous in nature. Example: Love of outdoor recreation.

Strategy One: Inform yourself

Sometimes it’s important to remind ourselves of the obvious. If you have strong opinions about healthcare, immigration, abortion, or any number of other topics, it helps to inform yourself and understand more about it. This includes the history, the science, the opposing viewpoints, your own viewpoints, and more. Let me be clear, this isn’t about out-smarting anyone you debate with, to out-information them. Knowing what happened 100 years ago in regards to immigration law isn’t going to convince many people to change their minds about immigration today. It’s about finding weaknesses in your own views and finding ways to tweak your arguments in light of new knowledge gained. It’s about putting effort into what you believe, living a lifestyle that’s more than just having strong opinions, but backing those strong opinions with time and thoughtfulness. You don’t have to be an expert, but you should be able to do more than reference opinion articles from news sources that conveniently agree with you.

Strategy Two: Legitimize people’s feelings

There has to be a way to reach across the table. So long as we are not willing to legitimize anything about a person or group we disagree with, no consensus or even consent can be reached. We don’t have to legitimize whatever their positions or beliefs are, and sometimes we shouldn’t. What we can do instead is legitimize their feelings. They could be coming from a place of hope, or fear, or pride, or uncertainty. Even if you’re not sure if those feelings are well-founded, you can still legitimize the fact that those feelings are real.

Do we really have to be sensitive to other people’s feelings?

Yes. Yes we do. People’s feelings, for good or ill, are often more important than any facts or statistics you can provide. Showing that you recognize someone’s feelings may not get us to agree, but it will at least bring us closer together as people. It makes successful debates more likely, and even unsuccessful ones be less contentious.

Strategy Three: Don’t assume intentions

I cannot stress enough how much of a rookie mistake it is to assume someone’s intentions, yet it happens all the time. We force our own biases onto others, and define their actions by our own beliefs. It’s rarely so simple. Most people who are against gay marriage do so out of their own faith and sense of community, not as a malicious attack against the LGBTQ community. In similar fashion, those who support gay marriage do so out of wanting equal rights for a minority, not out of anger against traditional values. By assuming the worst intentions by the opposing group, we alienate them, and they will feel we don’t understand them because we don’t.

However, let’s say that you are right, that you are correct in another person’s intentions. You have figured them out. The other issue with assuming someone’s intention is even if you are correct, you usually can’t prove it. Someone can easily go around it by saying, “Well, that wasn’t my intention.” Unless you have the means to prove that statement wrong, little progress can be made.

Strategy Four: Focus on “interests” over “positions”

First, refer back to the definitions above. Now that we’re clear on how we’re defining interests and positions for the sake of this blog post, let’s continue.

Once again, take any number of contentious political issues from environmental regulations, to the war on terror, to legal marijuana. Each of these can, and unfortunately usually are, broken down into yes or no, left or right, option A or option B. These are fixed positions, and the only way to ensure bridging the gap is to convince someone from one side to jump ship and join the other. Perhaps some sort of middle ground can be found, but not always.

Instead, interests offer more options. The interests when it comes to environmental regulations may be economic growth, sustainability, health, job prospects, recreation, any number of things that can lead someone to feel that there should be more or less regulations. If you can convince people that environmental regulations won’t hurt economic growth or job prospects, you can get somewhere. Likewise, if you can show sustainability or good health can still be achieved by less regulations, you may have an audience. Interests are flexible. They allow us to have a discussion that’s more meaningful than one side vs. another.

Strategy Five: Join their reality

In politics and other important social issues we bring up things like freedom, love, community, values, words that mean a lot to each of us, but are ambiguous enough that they don’t mean the same thing to each of us. In many ways we are speaking another language when discussing politics. Not only can language be a barrier (even if we speak the same language), but our views of the world are often incompatible. The problem of liberal and conservative media being so different in the information and spin they provide is real, and we come to discussions in politics with a very different view of what is real.

If you want to make progress with someone you have to jump into their shoes, at least to a degree. Accept some of their underlying assumptions to make enough common ground to be able to communicate. If someone’s view of freedom has to do more with social concerns than economic, or the other way around, consider adopting that definition for the sake of the argument. If someone will not bend on a position that is related to, but not integral to the point you’re trying to make, consider accepting that position as valid for the sake of the argument.

This strategy is all about communication, making sure what we say translates to those we’re speaking with.  

Strategy Six: Choose winnable fights

You are not likely going to be able to jump into a divisive forum or comments section online and magically get everyone to rethink their ways. You are not likely going to convince someone of beliefs they’ve held since they’ve been a child that their whole life has been a lie. You can certainly try it, but you’re fighting an uphill battle. As an alternative, make goals that are more plausible.  

When coming into a discussion or debate, consider small victories that you can achieve. This may be to get them to agree to some of your points even if they don’t reach the same conclusion. It may be to get them to let go of the most problematic or damaging of their opinions, but still letting them keep their same core values. As an example, rather than try to get someone who feels strongly about illegal immigration as a problem in this country to accept illegal immigrants with open arms, instead focus on if a border wall is economically feasible.

Don’t forget, small victories add up over time.

Strategy Seven: Get to the heart of the matter

This is similar to focusing on interest over positions, and the two strategies may overlap. However, I feel it’s important to emphasize getting to the heart of the matter. One of the most common arguments we like to use in politics is to accuse the other side of hypocrisy. Although on the surface, there’s usually some validity to it, it usually doesn’t get to the heart of the matter. It doesn’t explain why someone’s political opinions may seem inconsistent.

Sometimes it’s about partisanship. Sometimes it’s about underlying issues. Sometimes it’s about an emotion. Sometimes it’s about something personal, while other times it’s more on principle. Get to the heart of it. Ask questions that are not leading, but instead are open ended. Listen, build trust, and reflect.

Be aware that sometimes getting to the heart of the matter will end the discussion. Sometimes we will find that someone (including ourselves) at the heart of everything isn’t going to reach across the table. Sometimes at the center of everything is an unwillingness to move forward. However, if this happens at least we will know why a conversation ended, and to focus our efforts elsewhere.

Strategy Eight: Don’t lose control of the “rules”

Whether the rules are written, or merely understood, there are rules we follow when we discuss and debate with one another. There are social norms we accept. Some examples could, but not necessarily, include no bad language, no personal attacks, no threats physical or otherwise. These are fairly basic. However, it’s common for people to try to “win” by creating or changing the rules.

One common twist is to make it all about who is more tactful. If I were to say, “I believe the sky is colored in purple and orange polka dots” in a calm and reasonable tone while you say, “It’s blue you dummy!” in an aggressive way, I’ll “win” based on tactfulness even if my belief is utterly and completely wrong.

Keep control over what the rules are. This might be to agree on the rules beforehand. This might be to stop a discussion midway to reaffirm the rules, to state clearly what are acceptable and not acceptable rules so that things don’t get out of hand. After all, you can’t engage someone playing chess if they’ve brought checkers instead.

Strategy Nine: Take care of yourself

Debating and negotiating well does not follow most of our natural tendencies, including myself. We want to assume other people’s intentions, we want to focus on positions over interests, we don’t want to legitimize someone’s feelings whose beliefs are contrary or even offensive to our own. It’s difficult, draining, and stressful. Politics, culture, and society are made up of complex and demanding issues.

So take care of yourself.

Be in a good place, or as much of a good place that’s reasonably possible. It’s challenging enough to be mindful and deliberate in following these strategies when you’re at your best. It’s only harder if you aren’t sleeping well, eating well, or are emotionally in a dark place. Life isn’t always so easy on us, and we often are called to action when we’re not ready for it, but as much as possible be good to yourself. You deserve it.

Strategy Ten: Learn and grow

Become a better person tomorrow than you are today. Make engaging in these difficult issues a learning process, a chance to learn and grow as a person and you will always be successful. You will always learn something new, have more experiences to build yourself up.

 If you learn something about the other side? Success.

If you learn more about your own feelings? Success.

If you tweak or revise your thoughts due to new information? Success.

If you fell flat on your face, but learned what to do or not do next time? Success.

Learn. Grow.

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ACTION!

Practice makes perfect. Try these strategies out, one at a time, all at once, whatever works for you. Be critical of them, don’t just take my word for it, see what’s helpful and not in practice and let me know if you have better ideas.

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What’s Next?

My next post will be about how as a white, straight male I may come from the some place and beliefs that those who say, “All Lives Matter” do, who deny the systemic and non-systemic problems concerning race, sex, and more in our country. It will also be about how I’ve come to a different conclusion, have accepted that I have advantages over others I shouldn’t. I’ll discuss some of the beliefs I was raised with that though not malicious or ill-intended, does make the lack of equity in the US hard to accept, and how I overcame those thoughts.